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Manchester 10K

By Matt Hill | Published: May 10, 2010
I’m doing the Bupa Great Manchester Run to raise a bit of cash for the National Literacy Trust this Sunday. I hated running. Really. I bobble at the best of times, don’t I; a bunch of pale meat with noodles for limbs. That’s why when I’m really motoring – which is more of a wonky canter, [...]
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Flying

By Matt Hill | Published: January 3, 2010
I’m on fences about aeroplanes. You know the cold physics add up, but it’s one of the few occasions you really fear gravity for what it is; for what it will do. My throat lumps every time the wheels leave tarmac. The lurch as the tail section dips, the engines screaming, you wondering if the last [...]
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New flat

By Matt Hill | Published: December 21, 2009
I’ve moved in with a girl whose legs I fancied in school. It’s a kind of deferred success. Back then, 13 years old and sprouting limbs, I asked her out. She wouldn’t mind me saying her hair was kind of weird. It went all up and out — a hair-sprayed mushroom cloud – but she had [...]
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Suit fitting

By Matt Hill | Published: November 9, 2009
Look, me and suits go like penis and blenders. It seems foolish and feels worse. Suits, they’re for real men – men running for trains with cummerbunds flapping behind like some kind of heterosexual vapour trail. Half the problem is they’re far too hard to get right. You see all these men in suits and you know [...]
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Flat viewing

By Matt Hill | Published: October 21, 2009
The estate agent is a special kind of bastard: a kid in a suit from most angles, late by an hour from the rest. The shirt’s nice at least, but his collar’s tight, rolling his neck up into his face – and the wispy moustache makes you wonder if he’s snorted the cat with the [...]
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On sorries and apologies

By Matt Hill | Published: May 20, 2008
I must’ve said sorry more times than I’ve eaten bananas, I decided. Just the other day I explained earnestly to a friend that I’d even apologise to somebody who’d just shot me for getting in the way of their bullets. Recently I apologised in retrospect, via Facebook, for calling a boy a ‘panface’ at school – [...]
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